Monday, March 5, 2007

I'm worried about Spruce Pine

Hey, what's up in Mitchell County?

I've been there twice in the past week and I'm starting to worry. Of course, we all know the region is acclaimed for its hot female bikers, I mean, all those amazing minerals. And its great legacy of country music, the scenic beauty and the (well-worth-a-visit) Penland crafts school. It's a cultural treasure house, right?

So, you can imagine how shocked and concerned I felt when I heard this rumor about one of the local used clothing stores. You know, the kind that takes all kinds of used items to sell and the proceeds go to help animals or those in need? In this particular case, I'd heard that they throw away the items they can't sell. Right into the dumpster!

Last week, I went to the establishment in question and bought a few items (including some amazing used wigs. More on that later). And I chatted with the nice Christian lady behind the counter, who assured me that not only did they indeed throw away the clothes, they go so far as to cut them up. "If we don't slit the clothes, we come in the next day and there's a mess in the parking lot. People rummage through the dumpster and leave 'em all over. We spend half the mornin' cleanin' up . . ."

I won't give names and addresses (or phone numbers) until I've confirmed the story. But, according to my sources, there used to be a tractor-trailer in said parking lot where the unbought clothes would get picked up. But now, I'm told, "the county won't let us," because it doesn't look nice.

I know Mitchell County is overwhelmingly Christian (and, dare I say, Republican). I can't imagine a true Christian would advocate destroying clothes rather than getting them to people who could use them (at no cost to anyone . . .) I'll have to investigate further. Rest assured, I'm on the case.

Then there's the movie situation. I'll have to do more research on this one, too. It seems that the Ingles grocery in Spruce Pine doesn't carry the movie, Borat. "It's too controversial," said the woman behind the counter (with a giggle.)

So, we rented Babel. Well, Babel has children masturbating and killing people, blood everywhere. There's a teenaged girl licking her dentist (without his permission), and getting naked repeatedly (and not for laughs).

So, this is okay with the Spruce Pine Ingles but the sophomoric (and quite entertaining) Borat isn't? I'm thinkin' it's that scene at the rodeo where he sings a new version of the national anthem. You know, about how America is terrorizing the world with our so-called "war on terror." Maybe, that's what makes Borat too controversial. Because I know that nudity can't be the problem, since masturbating children and sexually aggressive nude teenagers are just fine.

I obviously need to ask some questions here. Maybe it's all Ingles and not just the Spruce Pine one.

Still, I'm worried about Spruce Pine. I'll keep you posted.

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